Betting on this year’s prestigious World’s Biggest Hypocrite Award, known popularly as “the Bono”, has been suspended after a huge plunge on the entire Abbott government was followed by an even larger plunge on the Labor Opposition. Bet369.com spokesperson Mick Dodgey said bookmakers had been forced to suspend betting due to the sheer scale of the hypocrisy in Australian politics upsetting the markets.
Odds began tumbling rapidly this week for the Abbott government and Labor opposition after both refused to deny allegations they had paid secret bribes to people smugglers despite loudly insisting people smugglers were more evil than the bastard love child of Adolf Hitler and whoever invented Candy Crush notifications on Facebook.
Experts had been expecting a close-fought race for this year’s Bono after former British prime minister and war criminal Tony Blair retired from his role as Middle East Peace Envoy. Mr Blair, who had held the envoy role since 2007 despite using lies to push the invasion and occupation of Middle Eastern nation Iraq at the cost of hundreds of thousands of lives, had taken home the Bono for the past seven years.
Until this week’s events, favourites among bookies had been perennial runners-up “hipster vegans” for their moralising lectures on Facebook about “ethical eating” via smart phones made by Chinese slaves, and whichever loudly anti-gay US evangelical preacher was next caught “sermonising” an attractive young male member of their flock.