Scott Morrison Rebrands Department Of Human Services To Department Of First World Problems

Scott Morrison

The Australian Minister for Social Services, Scott Morrison, has launched the rebranding of the Department of Human Services to the Department of First World Problems. The rebrand comes on the back of comments this week that social services like paid parental leave fit squarely in that category. The label implies that interest groups lobbying on such issues deserve about as much attention as someone complaining that their quinoa pancakes are too hot or that they hurt their back every time they lift their wallet.

Paid parental leave was once Tony Abbott’s signature policy, but it isn’t the only public policy Scott Morrison is responsible for that will no longer be considered important by the Abbott Government.

Morrison revealed to The (un)Australian: “Everywhere I look in my new portfolio I see first world problems, paid parental leave, medicare claims, disability pensions. They don’t have any of that in Africa do they? Hmmm?”

When asked if this meant that the government would become more focused on Third World problems, Morrison responded: “No, I took care of Third World problems when I was immigration minister. I called them boat people.”

The rebranding has won plaudits from the cabinet as a thoroughly good example of plain speaking in Government agencies and the (un)Australian can exclusively reveal that another leaked cabinet memo has indicated that some other departments could be up for rebranding too.

If the proposals go ahead, the Department of Immigration will be changed to the Department of F#@k Off We’re Full.  The Department of the Environment will be rebranded the Department of Coal Mining, and the Department of Industry and Science will be renamed The Department of Industry and the Church.

Ryan Crawford

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