Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has instructed his staff to have concrete bollards installed around the Lodge and his Sydney Office in an effort to keep Newspolls out.
“Newspolls can be quite damaging to an agile and innovative government like mine, said the Prime Minister. “I mean one, two or even thirty polls can lead to a change of Prime Minister and I don’t think anyone this side of Manly Warringah wants that you know.”
When asked whether the Australian people should be worried the Prime Minister replied: “They should be alert not alarmed. People of Australia if you see a Newspoll just disregard it and continue on as business as usual.”
“Pay no attention to the dare I say it fake news of Newspolls. I am your Prime Minister as long as the rest of the coalition allows me to be.”
Opposition leader Tony Abbott could not be reached for comment as he was busily trying to avoid having to go to his Mum’s house for a family dinner with his Sister.