News Corporation, which paid no tax last year, has welcomed the proposed sale and break up of the ABC, saying there is only room for one severely biased media conglomerate in the Australian market.
“The people saying that we’re depriving the Australian public of millions in annual tax revenue have no idea of the deductible expenses needed to run our newspapers,” said News Corporation accountant Atticus Sludge. “Our Photoshop bill alone is the size of the GDP of Belgium, and that bloke who draws Staria charges us an arm and a leg.”
“I see nothing biased at all in headlines such as “Sun God Tony Abbott Is The Right Man To Lead Our Country” and “Greens Want To Kidnap Your Children And Turn Them Into Organic Mulch”,” said Daily Telegraph sub editor Janice San-Serif. “We’re doing the country a favour by employing Peta Credlin and keeping her far away from an actual position of power, but do we get any thanks?”
“The ABC fills a vital role in Australian society and it would be a shame if we couldn’t fund the building of an even bigger coffee mug for Tom Gleeson to drive around in just so our greedy schools and hospitals could hog an even bigger slice of the public purse,” said ABC board member Felicity Scoby. “We’re currently working on a new series where Annabel Crabb takes a typical Australian family and makes them relive decades of budget cuts to the ABC.”