Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has directed Australian parents to ensure that they eradicate all compassion out of their children from a young age and to do so by smacking them if necessary.
“We do not want a generation of children to grow up with a heart, conscience and compassion for others,” said Minister Dutton. “I mean how will we continue to mistreat asylum seekers if all of a sudden the people of Australia have a conscience?”
“We’ve seen in America the damage that kids can cause. Gun sales are down after the little blighters got all upset over a few of their classmates being shot. What a pack of wimps.”
When asked why compassion is such a dirty word Minister Dutton answered: “Compassion doesn’t win elections. You think I mistreat asylum seekers for fun, well there is a little bit of that. But I do this for the Australian people. I stop boats and win elections and that’s just the start.”
Peter Dutton will attempt to be re-elected later this year and should he lose is tipped to star as the lead villain in the next Avengers movie.