The Australian Labor party has announced that after witnessing the events of the last week that they have voted unanimously to ban their colleague Anthony Albanese from purchasing or owning a knife for the foreseeable future.

“We think it’s for the best that Albo sticks to chopsticks for the time being,” said Labor Leader Bill Shorten. “I mean you don’t need to tell me the danger that a knife poses to a leader in politics.”

“As well as banning Albo from knives I have also asked all of my front bench to avoid them and all Opposition meetings from now on will only ever feature foods that can be eaten by chopsticks or a spoon.”

When reached for comment Anthony Albanese said of the ban: “Ah look, I’m no Abbott so I can promise you that I will not wreck, undermine or snipe at any future Labor Government.”

“As for knifing, well let’s see what happens.”

Mark Williamson 

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Categories: Politics

Tags: Anthony Albanese, auspol, Bill Shorten, Insiders, Labor, Liberal, LibSpill, minister, QandA, Scott Morrison