The Australian Labor party has announced that after witnessing the events of the last week that they have voted unanimously to ban their colleague Anthony Albanese from purchasing or owning a knife for the foreseeable future.
“We think it’s for the best that Albo sticks to chopsticks for the time being,” said Labor Leader Bill Shorten. “I mean you don’t need to tell me the danger that a knife poses to a leader in politics.”
“As well as banning Albo from knives I have also asked all of my front bench to avoid them and all Opposition meetings from now on will only ever feature foods that can be eaten by chopsticks or a spoon.”
When reached for comment Anthony Albanese said of the ban: “Ah look, I’m no Abbott so I can promise you that I will not wreck, undermine or snipe at any future Labor Government.”
“As for knifing, well let’s see what happens.”
Mark Williamson
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter or like us on facebook
Categories: Politics
Related Articles
-
Christensen Blasts Channel 7 For Ignoring The Philippines In It’s Olympic Coverage
-
ScoMo’s Creepy Mate Tells Him That The Best Table Tennis Players Aren’t Even At The Olympics
-
Gladys Tells Victorians That They Should Send NSW Their Extra Netflix Login
-
Barnaby Begs Berejiklian To Sort Out A Singles Bubble For Non-Uggos
Leave a Reply