Anthony Albanese Banned From Every Knife Shop In Australia


The Australian Labor party has announced that after witnessing the events of the last week that they have voted unanimously to ban their colleague Anthony Albanese from purchasing or owning a knife for the foreseeable future.

“We think it’s for the best that Albo sticks to chopsticks for the time being,” said Labor Leader Bill Shorten. “I mean you don’t need to tell me the danger that a knife poses to a leader in politics.”

“As well as banning Albo from knives I have also asked all of my front bench to avoid them and all Opposition meetings from now on will only ever feature foods that can be eaten by chopsticks or a spoon.”

When reached for comment Anthony Albanese said of the ban: “Ah look, I’m no Abbott so I can promise you that I will not wreck, undermine or snipe at any future Labor Government.”

“As for knifing, well let’s see what happens.”

Mark Williamson

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter or like us on facebook

Categories: Politics

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: