International au pair smuggling rings have taken note of Border Force’s lax attitude with thousands of boatloads of illegal before and after school helpers poised to flood into the country from the north.
“Australia is considered a soft touch by the many backpackers wanting to flee Paris where they desperately wish to escape being forced to look after horrid French children,” said an anonymous au pair smuggler in a dingy youth hostel in the back streets of Jakarta. “They are willing to spend their life savings for a position on a rickety fishing boat and set sail across treacherous seas carrying only a sexy maid’s outfit and a little stick with some feathers on the end of it.”
Of even more concern are reports that radical au pair terrorists could be infiltrating the homes of wealthy upper middle class Australians who are too lazy to pack their own kids off to school.
“We believe that sleeper agents from the terrorist group Au Qeada may have already entered the country disguised as genuine au pair refugees,” said international nanny terrorism expert Benjamin Hill. “They are a fundamentalist nannying organisation who don’t believe in cutting the crusts off sandwiches and who won’t play The Wiggles over and over no matter how many times your kids ask for it.”
New Zealand has stepped in and offered to take in any au pairs that Australia might reject if it adopts a tougher stance. It is believed they will all be resettled in the nursery of Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern.