The (un)Australian’s 2019 Person Of The Year

dutton

The (un)Australian’s Person of the Year award is one of the most anticipated events of the year, with defamation lawyers everywhere especially keen to see the list.

This year the team behind theunaustralian.net spent weeks/months/all year putting off putting together the list and have come up with the most comprehensive list compiled since Buzzfeed Australia’s list of the 17 Most Amazing Emma Watson Gifs You Need Right Now.

If you disagree with our list of nominees, then leave a comment below with your nomination. So without further ado, here are this year’s nominees:

Scott Morrison’s Travel Agent: Some people are born to sell, whether it be ice to Eskimos or an overseas holiday to a Prime Minister of a country currently on fire.

Disasters are a time for a country to come together behind a strong (or even an adequate) leader. For Australia, this summer we will have to wait until our leader clears customs. Here’s hoping he bought us all a duty-free Toblerone.

Roxy Jacenko: 2019 was the year that Sydney socialite and public relations maven Roxy Jacenko finally got the public to attach her to something and that something was poo….a poo jogger that is.

Jacenko, star of the upcoming reality TV show The Real Housewives of Long Bay Jail, was the victim this year of a poo jogger at her Eastern Suburbs office. Rather than doing what most people would do like ignoring it or calling the police, Jacenko set up spy cameras and sent out press releases.

2020 looks to be an even bigger year for Roxy with plans afoot to release a parenting book on the virtues of giving espressos to toddlers and no doubt more News Corp articles on the miniature that is her and her families life.

Kerri-Anne Kennerley: It’s often not easy remaining relevant in the information age, with so many social commentators it can be hard to remain in the limelight.

KAK has managed this by regularly making outlandish and archaic comments in order to keep her name trending on twitter. Her Bradmanesque streak of saying of obnoxious things is enough to make Alan Jones believe in equality.

It will be interesting to see how she continues to exist in an “OK boomer” 2020.

Andrew Bolt: Australia’s greatest satirist had a stellar year in 2019. His mocking of Cardinal Pell through a series of poorly written detective pieces where he, Sherlock Bolt retraced the disgraced Cardinal’s steps to prove his ‘innocence’, was truly exceptional.

But it wasn’t just his work in defending the Cardinal that earned Bolt the nomination. He went after respected Indigenous author Bruce Pascoe, not letting his previous run-ins with the anti-discrimination act thwart him. Climate scientists, the ABC, Greta Thunberg, you name it Bolt went after it.

Well, not Cardinal Pell of course. Children like Thunberg should be attacked and challenged whilst convicted pedophile’s like Pell must be defended at all costs.

Bill Shorten: Upon losing what most people deemed the unlosable election Bill Shorten didn’t crawl up into a ball and hide, he didn’t reach out to another fellow loser Dr Richard Hewson and ask for help, no Bill stuck around.

He took a leaf out of former Prime Minister Tony Abbott’s book and pledged to not undermine, white ant or snipe new leader Anthony Albanese.

Will Bill honour his word?

Knife me once, shame on you. Knife me twice, shame on me. Knife me three times…

But the winner is…

Peter Dutton: Yes, we’ve unanimously voted to award Peter ‘Dark Lord’ Dutton our (un)Australian’s Person of the Year. We had to, Border Force agents have kidnapped our extended families, and if we ever want to see them alive, then we have to hand over the award and refrain from ever again calling him a ‘Dark Lord’… damn!

Oh well, more turkey for us on Christmas Day and Auntie Jenny was getting on a bit anyway and Uncle Frank’s ‘interesting’ views on a wide array of social issues won’t be missed. On behalf of Team (un)Australia thank you for visiting the site and have a great festive season, we will be back in early January with the all the best news, analysis and plagiarism.

Thanks for reading.

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on https://www.facebook.com/theunoz

 



Categories: Opinion

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: