Prime Minister Scott Morrison has moved quickly to reassure those who are negatively gearing one or more properties that the Government will be there for them no matter how bad things get.
“It is a tough time for many Australians at the moment, I acknowledge that,”said Prime Minister Scott Morrison. “However, rest assured my Government will do what ever it takes to protect all those people out there who negatively gear.”
”Whether it be negatively gearing one property or seven, we have your back.”
When asked why his Government was so quick to reassure negative gearers, banks and airlines as opposed to pensioners and new start recipients, the Prime Minister said: ”People on new start know that there money is guaranteed so they need not worry about anything.”
“We need to focus on those who have a lot to lose as opposed to those who have not much at all.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m off to have a chat with Rupert Murdoch, just to see if he needs anything.”
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Australian Obesity Deaths Spike as Hoarders Devour Stockpiled Snacks on Day 1 of Lockdown
In an unexpected turn of events, thousands of people of all ages have been diagnosed with diabetes, morbid obesity, tooth decay and heart disease. The death rate from these has surpassed Corona virus and even Road Traffic Accidents.
Doctors were at a loss to explain the spike in the death rates until it was realised that almost every case, the victim had been busy over the past two weeks systematically emptying the shelves of local supermarkets of chocolates, Muesli bars, potato based fried snacks, and salted peanuts.
A local heart specialist Dr Paul Monarey has told our reporters that in almost every case, the victim had consumed enough calories to keep an SAS Regiment operational for at least a month. Dr Monarey said that he was unsure what will happen in the near future as terminally bored isolationists raid their stockpiles, ignoring lentils and tomato pasta sauces in favour of megajoule sweets and highly processed snack items. “This is barely day one, and I dread to think about what will happen soon, when sugar crazed home workers can’t go to the pub, or club and safely let off steam in front of a soothing poker machine”
Watch this space
On Mon, 23 Mar. 2020, 7:00 am The (un)Australian, wrote:
> theunozblog posted: ” Prime Minister Scott Morrison has moved quickly to > reassure those who are negatively gearing one or more properties that the > Government will be there for them no matter how bad things get. “It is a > tough time for many Australians at the moment, I ackno” >