Peter V’landys Orders The PM To Force School Kids To Attend All NRL Games

Peter V'landys

NRL Boss Peter V’landys has ordered Prime Minister Scott Morrison to arrange for the nation’s school kids to sit in the stands during this weekend’s round of rugby league matches.

”We’ve been told it’s safe for kids to go to school, so why shouldn’t they go and watch the footy?” asked future-Australian-of-the-Year Peter V’landys. ”It’ll be good for them to get out of the house.”

”Maybe they’ll even learn a thing or two, like teamwork or, for some of the lucky older female students, they’ll get a crash course in sex education, if you know what I mean.”

When asked why the NRL was so keen to have people attend their games, Lord V’landys said: ”It’s our gift to the players. They’re not used to playing in front of a crowd, so we thought we’d treat them as a reward for all they are sacrificing whilst in isolation.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m off to talk to the Prime Minister about my knighthood, someone told me they no longer exist for Australians, surely that can’t be right.”

Mark Williamson

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