Former Australian Prime Minister John Winston Howard’s eyebrows have been given 24/7 police protection to protect them from potentially being targeted by protesters.
”We have received word that an attack is planned on the former Prime Minister’s eyebrows,” said a Spokesperson for the Australian Federal Police. ”We take the threat quite seriously and as a result have provided Mr Howard with around the clock protection.”
When asked whether the threat was from Antifa or another extreme-left organisation, the AFP Spokesperson said: ”Oh no, the threat came from the Australian Association of Hairdressers and Personal Groomers.”
”They’ve been targeting Mr Howard’s eyebrows for years, calling them a national disgrace.”
Mr Howard could not be reached for comment as he was currently being kept in protective custody.
Mark Williamson
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