Dan Andrews has praised outlaw Ned Kelly and his gang for following the correct mask wearing protocol while going about their business of robbing banks and ranging about in the bush.
“I watched the video Ned put up on YouTube about how to make a simple mask from iron plough shares that he had lying about his shanty and I was very impressed,” said the Victorian Premier at a press conference as he nailed a wanted poster to a gum tree. “As long as he and his gang continue to wash their hands between each incident of bailing up a trooper and leaving them to die in the bush I can see no problem with allowing them to stay in business.”
Mr Kelly described other bushrangers such as Ben Hall and Captain Starlight as “wombat headed big bellied magpies” for refusing to wear masks when holding up stages as it conflicted with their cool dandy highwayman images.
The Premier also praised medium sized independent supermarket spokesperson “Tuckerbag” for refusing to leave the house without his customary brown paper bag over his head.
“I have only the highest respect for Mr Bag on the stand he is taking, and also for letting me know where I can purchase super sized boxes of Omo washing powder at 40% off.”
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