Craig Kelly Calls On The Government To Appoint Gary Ablett Sr As Chief Health Officer

Government backbencher and aspiring Minister for Science Craig Kelly has called upon the Government (which he is still a part of) to appoint former AFL player Gary Ablett Sr as the countries new Chief Medical Officer.

”It’s time this Government started to listen to people who know what is really going on,” said the Member for Hughes. ”I mean, have you seen the video Ablett posted to YouTube?”

”This guy knows what is going on. And, what a mind! I mean, he managed to film a video and post it online all whilst driving!”

When asked why he was willing to seemingly take the word of a former footballer with a history of drug abuse over the nation’s actual doctors and scientists, the Member for Hughes said: ”We all know that the scientists and doctors are all owned by Bill Gates.”

”I know for a fact that Gary Ablett Sr is owned by no one. Why, just the other day when I took him out to lunch, he said he was short of cash and could I pick up the tab?”

”Would someone on Bill Gates’ payroll be too short on cash to buy their own lunch?”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to search the dark web for answers as to whether or not the light goes off in my fridge when I shut the door. I almost found out once but they threw me out of Harvey Norman before I was through with my experiment.”

Mark Williamson


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