Former Australian Prime Minister and newly appointed IPA coffee boy Tony Abbott has told his friends and colleagues that he plans to lead this year’s Anzac Day March, in acknowledgement of his frequent participation in culture wars.
”I have always been at home in the trenches – be it fighting for my beliefs or against Malcolm,” said the former Member for Warringah. ”As a proud warrior, I feel that it is time to take to the streets and march on ANZAC day with my fellow heroes.”
”I will also be marching this year at the Mardi Gras parade – just in the opposite direction and driving a tank.”
When asked why he was so determined to cause division in the community, Mr Abbott said: ”You ask that like it’s a bad thing!”
”Look, if everyone was happy and wanted to live in harmony what sort a world would that be?!”
”Australia is a nation born out of hate and malice, United we stand, united we fall.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I saw a young child walking down the road with a balloon. I’m going to pop it, to teach the kid a lesson.”
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