Entire Nation Trying Not To Picture Rupert Murdoch And Jerry Hall Doing It


Australia’s 23 million people have spent the past few days trying to get the image of Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall’s wedding night out of their head.

“I’m trying to think of nice things like a beautiful lake with ducks floating on it but it’s no use,” said Wagga Wagga legal secretary Nadine Spackfiller. “Ever since the engagement was announced all I can see is Rupert Murdoch standing at the foot of a bed wearing a pair of loose fitting red polka dot boxer shorts.”

”Football football football football,” said Prahran stockbroker Jake Sprocket. “Oh God, it’s come back. All I can picture in my mind is Rupert Murdoch with a red rose between his teeth whipping off his shirt and slicking back his hair. Urgh.”

“The only way to make it stop is picturing my own mum and dad doing it,” said distressed Adelaide sales rep Tonia Bathplug. “That’s so much better, though I still get residual thoughts of Rupert Murdoch lying back on a heart-shaped motel room bed fluffing up the pillow next to himself.”

The only Australian who seemed content with picturing Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall getting it on was opinion writer Andrew Bolt. Bolt was observed leaning back at his desk yesterday with his eyes closed making satisfied purring noises.

Peter Green

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