Australia’s relationship with the United States is at breaking point, with revelations over the weekend that former treasurer Joe Hockey is to be appointed as Australia’s next ambassador to the United States. Sources suggest the US is treating the move as a declaration of war.
A spokesperson for the White House told The (un)Australian: “Americans and Australians have always had a wonderful relationship. We’ve laughed together at Yahoo Serious and on occasions, there have been testing times, such as who should takes ownership of ‘Mad’ Mel Gibson.
“But we’ve always worked through our issues, but this time you guys are taking things too far by sending us this failed treasurer. I mean he doesn’t think poor people drive cars, hasn’t he ever had a pizza delivered?”
However, not all Americans are as hostile to Hockey’s appointment. Presidential candidate and American hair club for men spokesperson Donald Trump spoke highly of the potential appointment, saying: “Joe sounds like a terrific guy, he should come over we’ll smoke cigars together and laugh at poor people.”
As it stands, Mr Hockey has not yet resigned from Parliament. However if, as expected, he is appointed ambassador, expect US sanctions on Australia, such as withdrawing their ambassador or implementing a ban on Hemsworth’s.
Mark Williamson
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