The planet Earth has announced it will no longer be producing “Winter” in the southern hemisphere due to declining interest in the season from consumers.
“Winter has always been our least popular season and with the effects of global warming making it more expensive to produce we’ve taken the decision to discontinue the brand,” said the world in a statement issued from its head office Geneva. “This year we’ll be going straight from Autumn to Spring and be introducing a new improved Summer that’s going to be twice as long and three times as hot.”
“I just don’t see the point of Winter,” said millennial season consumer Marieke Hashtag. “If people want to have snowball fights and go digging around in their cupboards once a year to find the hot air blower then they can move to Antarctica. Personally all Winter means to me is having to faff around before going outside trying to work out how many layers to wear and having to hose the frost off my car windows in the morning. I can do without both of those hassles.”
The Earth is expected to start laying off workers from its Winter producing factory in Tasmania as early as next week, throwing thousands of snowmen and glove stitchers into an already tight jobs market.
“Its sad to see Winter go the same way as the Polly Waffle and the Green Frog,” said old timer Bert Bakelite-Phone. “I guess these young kiddies with their twitters and their internets don’t have the time to stop and look at their breath turning into steam anymore.”