Tony Abbott Pledges To Knight Australia’s AAA Credit Rating Should He Become PM


Tony and Malcolm

Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott took a break from not commenting on the election result today to comment on the election result by saying that, in the event that should something happen to Malcolm Turnbull -say he were to fall under a bus (or, worse, a hung parliament) and he were to become Prime Minister again, his first act  would be to knight Australia’s AAA credit rating.

Said Mr Abbott: “Now look, uh, when I was Prime Minister we had a AAA credit rating and when I knighted Prince Philip people got talking, now I think my record speaks for itself, but you know enough about me I’m not a sniper or a white-anter.”

Conservative commentator and chair of the Tony Abbott Fan Club, Andrew Bolt said of Mr Abbott’s knighting decision: “Does Tony ever stop giving? This man should be a saint or at the very least Prime Minister. I mean what more do I need to do to make that happen? Do I need to dance a jig or racially vilify a bunch of people? I’ll do it, I’ll do it for you Mr Abbott, I love you Tony.”

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull could not be reached for comment, as he was last seen heading to Queensland wearing a cowboy hat and carrying a shotgun. His office told The (un)Australian he was off negotiating with the Independents.

Mark Williamson

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Categories: Politics

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1 reply

  1. It must be noted , that the gun was a plastic toy that Abbott gave him as a gift for getting the PM position last year… that message was lost on him as well as the peoples..


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