Bill Shorten To Stand Aside As Opposition Leader To Be Replaced By Tony Abbott

The Labor party has announced today that their leader Bill Shorten will be standing aside with Tony Abbott expected to be named as his replacement.

A Labor insider spoke to The (un)Australian on the condition of anonymity and a free meal at a local Chinese restaurant. They said of the change in leaders: “Look Bill’s done ok, but let’s face it he’s about as popular as coke life.”

“So we thought let’s get Tony in, he won’t win but he’ll definitely take Malcolm and the Liberals down with him.”

When reached for comment a grinning Tony Abbott said: “Let’s not jump to any conclusions. I’m just a simple backbencher from Manly who doesn’t snipe or undermine my stupid out of touch leader, Malcolm poo poo head Turnbull.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to continue my no sniping or undermining speaking tour. You can listen to me on radio, watch me on television and read my columns in the papers.”

Bill Shorten could not be reached for comment as he was out shopping for a gift for his replacement, He was last seen walking into a King of Knives store.

Mark Williamson

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Categories: Politics

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