Malcolm Turnbull has released his long awaited energy policy, which aims to reduce hostile emissions from Tony Abbott by an average of 50% per year by the end of 2030.
“This contains everything I like in a policy, which is a bit of something for everyone who likes the cool me in the leather jacket, and a bit of something for the part of me that doesn’t want to be cornered by Tony Abbott in the parliament house toilets and given a wedgie,” said the Prime Minister. “The new National Enmity Guarantee mandates that all energy companies must produce a third of their electricity in such a way that it gets Tony Abbott off my back.”
Supporters of a clean energy target are disappointed that the new policy will not encourage renewable energy sources.
“A fifth of Australia’s energy needs could be provided by harnessing the steam off the faux outrage over Lisa Wilkinson leaving The Today Show,” said electrical engineer Kay Watthours from the Australia Institute. “The wage gap between Lisa and Karl is high enough to host a stored hydro scheme that would light up the entire eastern seaboard.”
Proponents of carbon based power sources have also noted that there is enough energy stored in George Christensen to make the construction of a George Christensen fired power station that would meet the energy needs of the city of Mackay until the year 2050.