Malcolm Roberts Increases Primary Vote By 8000%

Former senator Malcolm Roberts was in a jubilant mood on Saturday night after lifting his primary vote by a whopping 8000% from 77 to 6215 in the Queensland state election.

“This massive increase in support has giving me the motivation to have another tilt at federal politics,” said the One Nation candidate. “It was very kind of Pauline Hanson to provide the Battler Bus so that everyone who voted for me last time could fit onto one vehicle to get them to the polling booth, but next time we’ll need a whole fleet of buses.”

Robert’s intention to have another crack at federal politics was warmly greeted by political satirists, newspaper editors and the manager of his local Officeworks store.

“We’ll have to order in a few thousand tonnes of photocopy paper and all the toner in the country if Malcolm is going to print out another one of his 300,000 word manifestos,” said Ipswich store manager Brian Foolscap. “My store provides more jobs for Queenslanders than the Adani coal mine.”

The Electoral Commission of Queensland has called for a recount of the votes from Saturday’s election, not because it needs to, but because it wants to have a good laugh.

Peter Green

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