Five Middle Aged Men Die At BBL Match After Consuming Tainted Beer

A rowdy section of the crowd gets a beer cup snake going as wet weather halts play. Picture: Jason Edwards
The NSW Government is again resisting calls for beer testing at major sporting events following the deaths of five middle aged men at a BBL match who consumed an unconfirmed brown liquid.
Pleas from medical and legal advocates, as well as the families of the five men, to implement beer testing at major sporting events have again fallen on deaf ears at NSW parliament. NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian said at a press conference today: “These older blokes have got to realise that any time you drink a beverage from an unknown source, often the dirty basement of a criminal gang, you are putting your life at risk.”
Temporary Australian Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, washed his hands of the incident, saying it was a matter for the states to look after: “Look, if it were something manageable, like if two middle aged men were being bashed by Sudanese teenagers every cricket match, we’d be all over it like a rash. But this problem seems to have no obvious solution. It’s not like we can just wave a magic wand and make the beer safer.”
A spokesman for Cricket Australia rejected calls for all future cricket matches to be cancelled: “We take the safety of our blokes very seriously. We don’t condone the consumption of beer at our events and we take extensive steps to ensure it never makes it into our grounds.”
“We’d love to see the day that beer was manufactured safely such as mainstream products like ecstasy and weed so we could capitalise on the extra sponsorship revenue we could generate, but I just can’t see the attitudes of the majority of younger voters being swayed in favour of that anytime soon.”

Stu Macpherson

www.twitter.com/ComedyStu

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Comments (4)
Caleb – Newtown:  It seems to me that if you can’t go to a sporting match without getting off your head on some alcohol, you mustn’t really like the sport as much as you say you do.
Davo – Cronulla: When is this nanny state government going to get with the times and realise that blokes are going to drink beer regardless. You can outlaw it all you want, but the fact remains that blokes are drinking beer and they are dying. Come on Berejiklian get with the times or prepare to be gone at the next election.
Abbey – Darlinghurst: When will you old blokes get the message? If you drink, you’re going to die.
Thomas – Erskineville: It’s called natural selection Abbey. If they want to kill themselves by drinking something they have no idea where it came from, let them go.


Categories: Sport

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1 reply

  1. Reblogged this on 1Petermcc's Blog and commented:
    Might even inspire folk to think about pill testing.

    Like

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