I must admit I was quite taken aback when those chaps at The (un)Australian contacted me about writing a guest cooking column for their fine publication. Initially I was unsure about which recipe to share and have to admit I was struggling a bit with the decision.
Luckily though I turned on the television and saw an interview with the Minister for Home Affairs Peter Dutton and I knew then and there what the ideal recipe to share with everybody was, Smashed Potato Ala Malcolm.
The first step in the process is to gather some potatoes and let them steam a little. In cabinet I used to do this by talking of how wonderful Tesla’s were to drive or how long until we get rid of coal and replace it with renewables. That used to steam up Petey Dutton quite nicely.
The next step is to spice things up a bit, with some salt, pepper, garlic and maybe an Au Pair or two. Sorry did I type Au Pair I meant a pear, goes nicely with the potato.
Next we put the dish in the oven for a while to bake. I chose baking over grilling as in my experience potatoes don’t stand up too well to being grilled or raked over the coals. They have a tendency to turn on you.
Once out of the oven comes my favourite part the smashing. Take a kitchen mallet or a referral to the High Court over breaches of Section 44 of the constitution and really go to town on that pathetic little potato.
From there pop the potato on a silver platter and like revenge, this is a dish best served cold.
Next week I will be back unless of course someone seeks to challenge me for this column. Here’s hoping that if they do then they have Matthias Cormann doing their numbers.
Cheerio
Former Prime Minister
Malcolm Turnbull
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The (un)Australian 
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