The Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has spent the weekend googling ‘military coup’ whilst the current Prime Minister and Mr Dutton’s boss Scott Morrison is away on a footy trip to Papua New Guinea.
“There’s nothing sinister in simply doing a bit of research,” said Minister Dutton. “I mean if for some reason Scott was no longer capable of leading the country and action needed to be taken well then I need to know what the next step was.”
“Simple as that.”
When asked why he assumed that he was Prime Minister ScoMo’s natural successor as opposed to the Liberal Party’s deputy leader Josh Frydenburg Minister Dutton responded: “If anything were to happen to Scott and let’s hope it doesn’t then I assume that Josh would just be too consumed with grief to lead.”
“One of my strengths is that I do not show or feel emotion, well except of course for anger and vengeance. But besides those, I am totally emotionally free.”
Prime Minister Scott Morrison was unavailable for comment as he was still in Papua New Guinea sinking tinnies whilst waiting for the Bathurst car race to start.