Sky News Celebrates Alan Jones’ Record Ratings Number Of 8 Actual Viewers

Niche cable channel Sky News Australia has touted the recent ratings success of broadcaster Alan Jones after the recently turned octogenarian cracked the elusive 8 actual viewers number.

”What a great result Alan has delivered to us, 8 whole viewers,” said a Network Spokesperson. ”And we only spent 3.4 million dollars on advertising for his show.”

”Dare we dream that Alan might help us crack the holy grail in double digit ratings.”

When asked why the network talked up what in the real World are very low ratings numbers, the Spokesperson said: ”Low to whom?”

”On a good day we rate in the same ball park as Peppa Pig and very occasionally M*A*S*H repeats.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to attend a Paul Murray fan club meeting. It’s being held at Engadine Maccas, well the phone booth just down the road from there.”

Mark Williamson


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