Dutton Blames Low Polling On No Carb Diets

Australia’s Opposition leader the Dark Lord Peter Dutton has blamed his terribly low polling results on the rise of the low-carb diet.

”The Australian people don’t know what’s good for them,” declared the Dark Lord. ”They’re all Albo this and Albo that, they need to learn my name and respect it.”

”I am Peter Dutton the future leader of this country, by hook or by crook.”

When asked what he planned to do to lift his popularity, the Dark Lord said: ”I’ve found fear works well in the past.”

”I may start kidnapping loved ones, launching culture wars or just constantly disagreeing with everything the Government plans to do.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s been a very trying week, I’m off to strangle a few puppies to calm down.”

Mark Williamson


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Categories: Politics

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