ABC’s 4 Corners To Profile Opposition Leader Lord Voldemort

The ABC will tonight air a deep dive into Australian Opposition leader, the Dark Lord Peter Dutton on their flagship A Current Affairs program, 4 Corners.

”Tonight we are hoping to find out what’s really behind the man, who’s allegedly not a monster,” said an ABC Spokesperson. ”We will share his hopes, his dreams and the reasons behind his pursuit of the boy wizard Harry Potter.”

”We’ll also join the Dark Lord as he indulges in his favourite hobby of puppy strangling.”

When asked why they were doing a profile of Peter Dutton instead of the Prime Minister, the ABC Spokesperson said: ”The Prime Minister is not holding our loved ones hostage.”

”Besides, we all know Albo’s story, housing commission, Rabbitohs , etc.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and get final approval from the Dark Lord of the piece. Maybe then he’ll let my loved ones go.”

Mark Williamson

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