Dutton Tells 4 Corners Producers He’ll Release Their Loved Ones Once He Sees The Ratings

Opposition leader the Dark Lord Peter Dutton has told the producers of ABC’s 4 Corners that he will release their loved ones from captivity the moment he sees the ratings for last night’s show.

”It won’t be too long now till I see the ratings,” said the Dark Lord. ”If they are good and my popularity goes up then it’s happy reunions all around.”

”If not, well.”

When asked whether he believed that TV and newspaper puff pieces could gloss over his past actions, the Dark Lord said: ”The Australian people will come to love, or fear me.”

”Which one they choose is totally up to them.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s been a long day and I’m off to strangle a puppy or two.”

Mark Williamson


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Categories: Media

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1 reply

  1. SkyNews are they still around, I thought they scurried under the fridge. Will be good to see these anti Australians do some jail time over their disinformation hate speech.


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