Dutton Calls On Australians To Throw Their Kids Overboard In Honour Of Peter Reith

The Opposition leader the Dark Lord Peter Dutton has called upon Australians to pay tribute to the late Defence Minister Peter Reith’s legacy by throwing their children overboard.

”Peter gave so much to his country and left such an inspirational legacy,” said the Dark Lord. ”I would have shed many tears over his passing, but as you know I am unable to cry or feel any real human like emotions.”

“Except for when I strangle a puppy, I do enjoy that.”

When asked what he felt Peter Reith’s legacy would be on the Australian people, the Dark Lord said: ”He will be remembered, definitely by myself as someone who did what he wanted and didn’t care what people thought of it.”

”Going the Unions with balaclava wearing security guards and dogs, slandering asylum seekers, makes you hard just thinking about it.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to oppose whatever Anthony Albanese is doing this morning. I hear he’s at breakfast, typical Labor, favoring breakfast over brunch.”

Mark Williamson


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