Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has returned from his little holiday jaunt to America renewed, refreshed and ready to make Australia hate again.

”Such a great trip, I mean the things I saw and the people I met, just great times,” said the Dark Lord. ”Do you know in America you can get bullets out of vending machines.”

”Imagine that here, that would shut up the journalists asking me questions all the time.”

When asked why he deemed it necessary to head overseas in the middle of a cost of living crisis that has left some Australians unable to afford to keep the lights on, the happy traveller said: ”Where’s a vending machine or better yet Peter Costello when you need them.”

”Look, times are tough and the only way to make them better is to elect a Coalition Government.”

”A Government I lead will make the country better, for some.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I had a long flight and need to unwind a little by strangling a puppy or two.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Categories: Politics

Tags: abc730, Albo, America, Anthony Albanese, auspol, Australia, Canberra, Duty Free, Hawaii, holiday, Insiders, Peter Dutton, Ray Hadley, Sky News, USA, Vacation, Vending Machine