Opposition leader and Australia’s next Prime Minister according to Sky News, Peter Dutton, has celebrated the news that he has risen in the polls by indulging in his favourite hobby of strangling puppies.

”As a politician you work hard and rarely get the chance to celebrate the little wins that you have,” said the Opposition leader. ”So, when the newspoll came out I said to myself, you know Peter, go out, grab yourself a puppy and just go to town.”

”You should have seen the look in it’s eyes as it took it’s last breath.”

When asked when he would start to announce some of his policies that he would take to the next election, the Opposition leader said: ”I’ve already gone nuclear, what else do you need to know?”

”The only people who need to know about my policies are Gina and Rupert, and they already know all about them.”

‘Heck, Gina pretty much wrote them all for me.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Categories: Politics

Tags: Albo, Anthony Albanese, auspol, Coalition, Gina Rinehart, Insiders, Labor, Lachlan Murdoch, Liberal, LNP, Newspoll, Not A Monster, Nuclear, Peter Dutton, Polls, Puppy, QandA, Rupert Murdoch, Strangle