The NSW branch of the ALP is in crisis only weeks before the state election due to a lack of the required number of faceless party hacks to fill all the available positions on the ballot papers.
“Mate, we could only scrounge up seven in the whole state,” lamented state secretary Colin McCallister. “We’ve been chewing them up and spitting them out so fast that we’ve plain run out. In the past five years we’ve gone through John Robertson, Kristina Keneally, that bloke we had after Morris Iemma, Morris Iemma and now we’ve got Luke Foley, who looks like an extra playing a dad in a KFC commercial.”
“Let’s face it, no-one wants to be a faceless party hack anymore”, said a despondent Bob Carr. “It’s not like back in the glory days of Barry Unsworth when being a faceless party hack was an honourable career choice”.
“It’s hard work twenty four seven”, said faceless party hack Sonya Morgenstern. “Being patronised, getting a job in a union without ever actually working at the job, forever getting parachuted into seats, ringing up talk back shows pretending to be an average voter, it’s full on. And as soon as it looks like you’re about to land a cushy job in the upper house someone finds some kind of link between you and Eddie Obeid and your whole career goes kaput.”
The NSW Liberal party reported today that it has managed to find enough psychopaths and hooray Henrys to fill all it’s ballot spots.