Nearly thirty years after Joh Bjelke-Petersen failed in his attempt to become PM, Pauline Hanson and Bob Katter have finally realised his dream of putting batshit crazy Queenslanders into positions of power in Canberra.
“We’ll only pass legislation if security cameras are installed in all mosques, Islamic schools and the NSW State of Origin dressing room,” demanded the leader of the revitalised One Nation party. “I want to see Halal banned. Didn’t you see the way he tried to kill everyone at the end of 2001 A Space Odyssey?”
Hanson visibly recoiled during Saturday night’s election telecast when Labor senator Sam Dastyari invited her to join him in eating an Halal snack pack, though it’s uncertain if her disgust was due to the Halal food or the prospect of having to spend an extended period of time in the company of Sam Dastyari.
“I can tell you that 98% of Australian people don’t support halal, which is remarkably precise for a figure which I’ve clearly just pulled completely out of my arse,” said the person who now gets to add whatever she wants to every piece of business the next government wants to push through parliament. “So what if I want to ban Islamic schools. Education is way overrated. Being exposed to the opinions of smarter people than myself for the past twenty years hasn’t made a lick of difference to me.”
Senate voting figures and real statistics show that more than 95% of the Australian voting public don’t support Pauline Hanson.