The United Nations will dismantle the General Assembly after realising that the Australian parliament is already fulfilling its role of providing a place where citizens from all countries of the world can gather to make laws together.
“It used to be an old joke that there are more members of FIFA than there are of the UN but it turns out that the Australian parliament trumps them all,” said UN Secretary General Antonio Guterres. “The only nation not represented is Chad but I’m sure if we dig around a bit we’ll find that someone’s granddad was born in N’Djamena and we’ll be able to string their flag up as well.”
The Secretary General has instructed international supervillians looking to hold the world to ransom to direct all their demands to Canberra rather than the UN headquarters in New York City.
“We’re all pretty excited because this means that Angelina Jolie will be visiting Australia a lot more often,” said federal health minister Greg Hunt who has now added the directorship of WHO to his portfolio. “The world will become a more peaceful place if the Australian parliament is put in charge of all wars.”
“We can’t get around to doing anything about energy prices and low wage growth so imagine how long it will take us to declare war on each other. We’d have to send it out to a postal vote first.”