The ABC has put psephologist Antony Green back into a state of suspended animation in a vault deep under the organisation’s headquarters in Ultimo.

“We all love Antony but he becomes an absolute pest around the building when there isn’t an imminent election to keep him distracted,” said ABC general manager Michelle Guthrie. “We replace his blood with formaldehyde and stick him in one of those chambers like you saw them waking up in at the start of Alien, then thaw him out again the next time we go to the polls.”

“He starts holding impromptu votes around the place like “Who’s The Best Banana in Pyjamas” and “Is Tony Jones Your Preferred Host of Q & A”,” said a member of the staff of Play School who only wanted to be identified by the initials BT. “The entire staff took a vote and decided that Antony needed to be put on ice once Super Saturday was done and dusted. There was in fact a 5% swing in favour of keeping him around the place and letting him conduct daily polls over which biscuits to have in the tea room.”

When asked whether it was likely that he would have to wake up from suspended animation to visit the bathroom before being officially re-animated, Mr Green said that it was too early to make a call on that question.

Peter Green
http://www.twitter.com/Greeny_Peter

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Categories: Politics

Tags: ABC, Anthony Albanese, Anthony Green, auspol, Bill Shorten, Braddon, Election, Fremantle, Insiders, Longman, Malcolm Turnbull, Perth, Peter Dutton, QandA, suspended animation, theirabc