Scott Morrison Hires Alf From “Home And Away” As Speechwriter

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The Prime Minister has hired caravan park owner Alf Stewart as his new speech writer, replacing his current team of university educated policy wonks with their big long words that the average dad at the netball doesn’t want to hear.

The knockabout Summer Bay resident’s first test as ScoMo’s writer will come on the 100th anniversary of Remembrance Day on November 11 when Morrison is expected to mark the end of the minute’s silence with the phrase “well strike me roan”.

“Alf has already helped me out with the line about “fair dinkum power” and I’m about to try out some of his other ideas such as “stone the flaming crows offshore detention” and “don’t come the raw prawn company tax cuts”,” said Morrison after sculling a beer at the cricket. “Some of my other advisors stepped in and stopped me from describing crown prince Mohammed Bin Salman as a “flamin’ galah mongrel” which was probably a good idea as petrol prices are already kind of high at the moment.”

The Prime Minister is expected to use an upcoming speech to try out Alf’s line that “if brains were dynamite, Bill Shorten wouldn’t have enough to blow the wax out of his ears”.”

Canberra is also awash with rumours that Mr Shorten has appointed the “Honey Badger” as his head speech writer in an effort to match the PM on the sounding like a regular bloke from the front bar of the local pub stakes.

Peter Green

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Categories: Politics

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