Minister for the Dark Arts and wanna be Prime Minister Peter Dutton announced this morning that: “He had released an all-points bulletin to the AFP and his own private army Border Force to round up all these ‘Elf on the Shelf’s’ and send them to Manus Island for processing”.
The Minister then went on to explain: “These elves have come here on a tourist visa, but we have example after example of where the elves are working, stealing Australian elves jobs, breaking into people’s houses, and there has been some evidence of these elves watching young children sleep.
“Elf on a shelf is nothing more than an organised crime gang”.
It’s believed the AFP and Dutton’s private army Border Force have started rounding up Elves in dawn raids across the country this morning.
Sandy Beach from the Greens has called the raids unnecessary and over the top: “These tiny little elves are about 30cm high, why do we need 16 AFP officers in bullet proof clothing and M16’s, an armoured personal carrier, battering rams and night vision goggles? Surely the job could have been done by 1 man with a German Shepherd”?
The Department of Immigration wouldn’t comment on when or if the elves would be released.
Gus W Templeton
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.