Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has announced a plan to jail all Australian lefties in an attempt to protect the country from right-wing extremists. The move comes after a briefing from ASIO warning of the danger of right-wing extremists.

“I think most Australians would agree that jailing lefties is the best way to handle the threat posed from the right,” said the Dark Lord. “After all if the left are not seen nor heard then the right has nothing to get angry about.”

“In an ideal World I’d be shipping the left off to Christmas island, however that’s full at the moment. Just as well really as no doubt those annoying lefties would be complaining about it being Christmas island and not Hanukkah island or Kwanza island.”

When asked why all of a sudden the Minister feels that there is a threat from the left when the head of ASIO was quite specific that the threat came from the right, the Minister said: “How dare you question me. Who do you think you are to question the dark lord?”

“I look forward to next week when all those who I consider to be lefties will be shipped off to jail and no longer will I have to deal with questions or scrutiny.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to meet with Matthias to help coach him in remedial maths.”

Mark Williamson

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Categories: Politics

Tags: ASIO, auspol, Insiders, Left, Lefties, Minister for The Dark Arts, parliament, Peter Dutton, QandA, right, Right Wing Extremists, Scomo, Scotty From Marketing, Terror Threat