Scotty From Marketing: “I want to focus on my family, my friends, and my fitness. Basically anything I can do to keep me away from my actual job.”
Albo: ”I want to focus on the important things in life, like DJ’ing and craft beers. I’m sure that both of these hobbies will help me win back Queensland at the next election.
Gladys Berejiklian: “I plan to stop dating bad boys. On second thought, does anyone have Joe Tripodi’s number?”
Daniel Andrews: ”I will do everything I can in my power to keep Victorians safe and to also keep the Murdoch press annoyed.”
Anastacia Palaszczuk: “Queenslander!”
Alan Jones: “Once we are done with this fake virus and I can leave my Southern Highlands compound I am hoping to do some travelling. For years I have dreamed about entering Israel.
Israel Folau: “I plan to do as much as I can next year to avoid Alan.”
Donald Trump: ”I will spend the next four years as America’s President in exile. Hopefully, I will be able to do this on the golf course as opposed to in prison.
Joe Biden: ”Ever tried to put out a trash fire?”
Bill Gates: ”The same thing I do every year Pinky – try to take over the world!!!”
Pete Evans: ”I could tell you my New Year’s resolutions, but how do I know you weren’t sent by the Illuminati to help them bring me down?! Now, if you”ll excuse me, I have to go and activate my nuts.”
The Pope: ”It only takes two miracles to make a saint. With Tony Abbott crediting him as responsible for his Prime Ministership and his High Court acquittal, we may see Saint George Pell later this year.”
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