Berejiklian Tells NSW To Only Leave The House On NYE If You’re Rich

NSW Premier (for now) Gladys Berejiklian has told the state to stay in this New Year’s Eve, unless of course they are either a high earner or have old family money.

”I call on the state to all come together, but stay apart so we can beat this virus and get back to doing what we do best – gloating and hectoring the other states,” said the Premier. ”To that end, unless you have your own yacht or can afford to book out an entire restaurant then please, stay home.”

”Of course, we do encourage those that live within walking distance of an RSL or casino to please keep gambling, but do so in a responsible, socially distanced manner.”

When asked why she wouldn’t just put the entire state into a lockdown in order to eradicate the current outbreak, the Premier said: ”Well, how then can I take potshots at Dan Andrews if I do as he did?”

”We are NSW, and we are better than all the other states! Don’t believe me? Then just ask the Prime Minister. He’ll tell you… month when he’s back from holiday.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to run some David Jones gift hampers to the people of Avalon. Those poor people. Some of them are almost out of caviar!”

Mark Williamson


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