Acting NSW Premier Barilaro Orders All Koalas Slaughtered And Turned Into Masks

Acting NSW Premier John Barilaro has issued an executive order for all of the State’s Koalas to be slaughtered and turned in to masks to be made available for a slight fee to the needy.

”When Gladys ordered the entire State to wear masks I knew we would face a shortage,” said the acting Premier. ”So, I consulted the brains trust and we thought let’s kill all Koalas.”

”Their fur is soft and would make a great mask and with the Koalas out of the way well then that just solves a lot of problems.”

When asked why he was so against Koalas, the acting Premier said: ”Well they’re lazy aren’t they?”

”They sleep 20 hours of the day and only eat bloody eucalyptus leaves which have bugger all nutritional value. Why don’t they bloody well get a job!”

”They could be picking fruit you know, our poor farmers are watching their fruit rot in the fields.”

”If we don’t get some backpackers or koalas out there soon to pick it then the farmers might have to do something drastic like pay fruit pickers a fair wage and we can’t have that now can we.”

Mark Williamson


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Categories: Politics

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