Kelly Worried Plibersek Is Suffering Hysteria Advises Her To Take A Course Of Leeches

The Morrison Government’s self-appointed ‘science’ minister Craig Kelly has told colleagues that he is concerned that Labor politician Tanya Plibersek is suffering from hysteria and is in urgent need of a course of leeches.

”Craig is most concerned about Tanya, I mean today he just wanted to sit down and have a nice friendly chat with her over a cup of bleach and she very nearly bit his head off,” said a colleague of Mr Kelly’s. ”Tanya needs to have a chill pill or a dose of UV delivered to her from Australia’s leading mind Pete Evans’ Covid lamp.”

”If more Labor politicians took the time to sit under Craig Kelly’s learning tree they’d be way more electable.

When reached for comment on the member for Hughes’ latest antics Australian Prime Minister Scotty from marketing said: ”I’m not a doctor so if leeches are what’s best to treat hysteria then so be it. I don’t hold a stethoscope mate.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Engadine Maccas to press the flesh so to speak. I love that place but gee it does get dirty sometimes. I’d help them clean but as you know I don’t hold a mop.”

Mark Williamson


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