Aspiring Prime Minister (yep, really) the Dark Lord Peter Dutton has defended his record as Defence Minister, claiming that Australia needed tanks with gold spinning rims.
”I will not sit by and have my record besmirched by the Labor party, with all their facts and figures,” said the Dark Lord. ”If Richard Marles wants to attack me then bring it on, I shall assemble a team of my best death eaters.”
When asked how on earth he thought he could lead a country given his failures in defence with rampant over spending and under delivering, the Dark Lord said: ”I will rule by fear.”
”I am the leader this country needs and I will take the Prime Ministership by any means necessary.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have had a long day and I need to go and relax by strangling a few puppies.”
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