“No-one Is Forcing Us To Watch Cricket” Australians Suddenly Realise

After 140 years of obsessively watching every second of the cricket, the Australian population has suddenly worked out that no-one is holding a gun to their head to make them do it and they could actually be doing something much more productive with their time.

“That’s thirty solid days every summer that I’m going to be spending learning how to speak French, getting to know my kids or actually reading the whole of my mobile phone manual,” said enlightened former cricket fan Norbert Sprinkler as he curiously examined a cicada in his backyard.

“I built a rockery,” said Jim Citronella.

“I was spending five whole days watching something that ended in a draw… it only took the Americans four days to fly to the moon,” said former avid cricket watcher Leanne Pinkzinc as she finally did that new bushwalk.

“The average curling match takes just over two hours, which explains why Finland invented Nokia and is a world leader in education innovation, whilst we haven’t invented anything since the stump jump plow and Derryn Hinch,” said Buster Southerly as he stretched wire over the top of his brand new carp pond.

Historians agree that as a job creation measure during the great depression armed guards were employed to force Australians to watch Don Bradman bat and go see Pharlap race. However, watching cricket has been totally voluntary since the end of the war.

“Thank God I can finally clear all these cricket autobiographies off my bookshelf,” said former fanatical Perth cricket fan Roger Fremantle-Doctor. “I even had Brad Hodge’s book. Brad freaking Hodge.”

Peter Green

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