The (un)Australian

Recent Posts - page 434

• Nick Kyrgios To Be Appointed Australian Cricket Team’s Vice-Captain In Bid To Boost Sledging Stocks

  By theunozblog on 14/08/2015

  

  Australian tennis star and sledger extraordinaire Nick Kyrgios was today announced as the Australian cricket team’s new vice-captain, following the leadership shake up caused by Michael Clarke’s retirement. A Cricket Australia spokesperson told The (un)Australian: “After Clarkie’s retirement, we needed to shake… Read More ›

• Conservatives Commentators Call For Malcolm Turnbull To Be Tried For Treason

  By theunozblog on 14/08/2015

  

  Conservative commentators have banded together to demand Prime Minister Abbott have Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull tried for treason. Speaking off the record, a conservative commentator, whom we shall refer to as AB, told The (un)Australian of their anger toward Turnbull,… Read More ›

• ‘Tony Abbott’ Character Revealed As Joaquin Phoenix’s Latest Hoax

  By theunaustralianblog on 14/08/2015

  

  Actor Joaquin Phoenix has admitted that the bumbling Aussie prime minister “Tony Abbott” is a character he has been filming on the sly as the subject of the long awaited follow up to his 2010 mockumentary “I’m Still Here”, to… Read More ›

• Riots Feared As Sales Of Chips And Lollies Banned In Prison Tuck Shops

  By theunaustralianblog on 13/08/2015

  

  Chips and lollies will remain banned from prison tuck shops in a move designed to encourage healthier eating habits among some of the state’s most notorious criminals. “Our prisoners are among the most obese in the world and need to… Read More ›

• Whole Foods To Sell Space Lettuce At ‘Astronomical’ Mark Up

  By Matthew J. Farthing on 13/08/2015

  

  Whole Foods CEO John Mackey has celebrated news that astronauts have successfully grown and eaten lettuce in space, promising a whole new future of ridiculous and expensive produce. “With today’s processed meals and junk food marketing, what consumers want is… Read More ›

• Satan Cancels Planned Appearance At Liberal Party Fundraiser

  By theunozblog on 13/08/2015

  

  Satan, or Beelzebub as he’s also known, has cancelled his planned appearance at a Liberal party fundraiser citing a potential conflict of interest. A spokesperson for Satan told The (un)Australian:  “Look, Satan booked the appearance months ago through Bronwyn Bishop’s chief of… Read More ›

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