Abbott Calls For Cars To Be Manufactured With A Built-In Coal Fuelled Boiler

Former Prime Minister and self-professed ‘ideas man’ Tony Abbott has written an opinion piece in which he has said the secret to reviving Australia’s fortunes is to manufacture cars with built-in coal fuelled boilers.

Speaking to The (un)Australian the former Prime Minister explained his thinking, saying: “A lot of people deride coal and defame it, I tell you we should change the laws so that the c in 18c stands for coal. Australia without coal is like Chernobyl without nuclear power or President Trump without a twitter account. This country needs coal to stay relevant.”

When asked why he now wants Australia to produce cars when under his Prime Ministership he let car manufacturers close up shop, a reflective Mr Abbott said: “Look hindsight is a wonderful thing, I mean I should’ve done more as Prime Minister there were more Prince’s I should have knighted. More onions I should have eaten and more Malcolm’s I mean boats that I should have stopped.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to continue my no sniping and undermining Malcolm Turnbull speaking tour. This week I’m visiting Australia’s most marginal electorates.”

Prime Minister Turnbull while not committed to car manufacturing did see the benefit of coal mining saying: “What a splendid idea, putting Tony Abbott underground.”

Mark Williamson

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Categories: Science

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