Prime Minister ScoMo has assured the public that with Tony Abbott now out of parliament no one in his party has any plans to go nuclear.
“Look I know there’s been a bit of talk about going nuclear but I can assure you with Tony out, we’re all good, everyone’s calm and relaxed,” said the Prime Minister. “Well you know except for Barnaby but well he goes on and on about nuclear but the truth is he probably can’t even spell it.”
“Also he’s technically not in my party he’s a National, not a Liberal.”
When asked whether he would comprehensively rule out his Government introducing nuclear power the Prime Minister said: “I told you Tony Abbott is no more, sure he keeps bugging me to bring him back into the Senate but there’s about as much chance of that happening as there is of me taking away Hillsong’s tax free status.”
“So we clear, if you want a go you need to have a go, you know.”
Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott could not be reached for comment as he was out of mobile phone range. He was apparently out prospecting for uranium.