The rest of Australia is reeling after making the alarming discovery that not only is Scomo not the worst politician in Australia, he’s not even the worst one from the Sutherland shire.
“What the fuck do they put in the water down that way,” said incredulous St George area voter Victor Dragon. “Seriously, has a whole barrel of LSD leached into Woronora Dam. I mean 50,000 people voted for Craig Kelly at the last election. That’s 50,000 people who should have the sharp scissors taken away from them.”
“Scott Morrison is all piss and wind like a barber’s cat but he comes across as an absolute genius compared to Craig Kelly,” said Wollongong resident Michaelia Steeler. “I assume they slung Craig Kelly into Hughes so people from Cook would look at Scomo and think he’s not all that awful after all.”
Poisons experts from the CSIRO have begun analysing the contents of Paul’s Hamburgers for any evidence of nerve agents.
“If you found yourself stuck chatting to Craig Kelly at a barbecue you’d start sidling away after a couple of minutes with the sort of over friendly smile on your face normally reserved for the crazy guy at the bus stop,” said anxious Blakehurst voter Reg Langlands. “I’ve been watching the last scene of The Bridge On The River Kwai and wondering if we can do the same thing to Tom Ugly’s Bridge before it’s too late.”
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