Dutton Celebrates Defence Promotion By Strangling A Puppy

The Dark Lord Peter Dutton who is now Australia’s new Minister for Defence has celebrated his promotion to the role by indulging in his favourite hobby of strangling puppies.

”It’s quite an honour to be made Minister for Defence,” said the Dark Lord. ”It’s been a tricky couple of months with not much to celebrate, so today after work I thought – ‘Peter, why not treat yourself to a puppy to strangle?’ ”

“There’s no better feeling than watching the life go out of their eyes as you wrap your hands around their little necks.”

When asked why he would chose such a barbaric way to celebrate, the Dark Lord asked: ”How is it barbaric?”

”I am simply addressing the problem of the pound having too many puppies. It’s just an added bonus that I happen to gain pleasure out of strangling them.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to do some research on military coups. Did you know that, if they’re successful, the Defence Minister becomes PM?”

Mark Williamson


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