Sky News Polls Their Viewers, All 6 Of Them And Declares ScoMo Will Win

Niche news network Sky News Australia has released polling that they’ve done with their viewers, all 6 of them, that shows Prime Minister Scott Morrison will comfortably win this Saturday’s election.

”Our polls indicate that over 83% of our viewers plan to vote for the Morrison/Joyce/Murdoch Government,” said a Spokesperson for the network. ”Admittedly that figure means that 5 out of our 6 viewers will vote ScoMo with the other one, Fred from Gympie planning to vote for Clive.”

”But, if you extrapolate that out it will surely deliver a massive win for Morrison.”

When asked if they seriously believed that polling conducted in their little echo chamber was representative of the whole community, the Spokesperson said: ”You mean to tell me that Andy Bolt, Paul Murray or Piers Morgan don’t speak for the average man?”

”Come on, all 6 of our viewers tuned in to see Paul Murray the other night as he fellated Barnaby Joyce on live TV.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, Fred from Gympie needs his gutters cleaned out and he says if I don’t do it he’ll stop watching Credlin on Wednesdays.”

Mark Williamson


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